The Battle Against Mary Sue
by XNemesis
Summary: The tale of how Eä and all of its peoples finally defeated Mary Sue. Will the Canons fall under the Sue's spell? Will Námo's Vala Glare 'o Death TM stop the Sue in her tracks? Will the Finweons ever stop fighting? Will the grammar kill us all?
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I don't own Tolkien Estates. No infringement intended.

Summary: The tale of how Eä and all of its peoples finally defeated Mary Sue.

Author Note: Another big project for me. Yea... I need to stop giving in to the plotbunnies (evil little buggers that they are). I may take a while updating this as I have two other big projects that I'm working on. I'll try to update as quickly as possible.

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The Battle Against Mary Sue

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The Timeless Halls (1) were shaking in their foundations. The Ainur (2) who had not gone to Eä (3) were hiding. The dead Secondborn (4) who had taken up residence in these halls were running for cover. Eru Ilúvatar (5) himself was slightly afraid. **_It_** had come.

This had all started in Arda. It always started in Arda. That was where **_It_** always started. But normally **_It_** found a way to stay in Arda despite that **_It_** was sometimes counted among the Secondborn. But this one was different. Something had happened. Something had messed **_It_** up. This should not have been a problem for **_It_** though. **_It_** always had a whole host of Arda's many creatures and beings at hand to aid **_It_**. How had they escaped **_Its_** spell. That should have been impossible. None could escape **_Its_** enchantment. **_It _**could ensnare all with a flick of **_Its_** shiny hair.

Eru told all in his Halls to report to the main room. Soon, it was filled with Ainur and Men. "Why have you summoned us Eru?" asked a random nameless Ainu who shall from here on out be known as Bob.

"I have summoned you all to answer the threat if **_It_**. **_It_** is a poison to all and must be stopped."

"But how shall we stop **_It_**. **_Its_** kind usually never leaves Arda. We know little about **_It_**," Lúthien (6) wondered.

"To defeat **_It_**, we must first find out how those in Arda could resist it enough to let **_It_** die permanently," Eru replied to his granddaughter (7). With this said, a large picture filled the room. Everything dimmed so that the picture could be seen clearly. And then, the tale of horror began...

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1) The home of Eru Ilúvatar

2) The 'Holy Ones' who sang the world into existence

3) 'Let it be!' The words of Eru Ilúvatar to bring the vision of the Ainur to life; it is now what Arda, Valinor, Tol Eressea, the Sundering Seas, the sky, the stars, and all things in Arda are called as a whole

4) Humans

5) Eru means 'the One' and Ilúvatar means 'All Father'. He created the Ainur. All things in Eä have their utmost origin in him.

6) Lúthien Tinúviel was the fairest of Elven maidens. She was the daughter of Thingol and Melian. She fell in love with a mortal, Beren, and they went on a big quest, wrested a Silmarils from Morgoth's (original evil guy) crown. They died. Lúthien sang before the lord of the dead. He pitied her. They both got sent back as mortals. They died. Elrond is descended from her.

7) Lúthien's mother, Melian the Maia, was of the Ainur. Eru is pretty much the "father" of the Ainur as they are the "children of his thoughts". Therefore, she is Eru's one and only grandchild.


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Tolkien Estates. No infringement intended.

Summary: The tale of how Eä and all of its peoples finally defeated Mary Sue.

Author Note: Ok, I decided to stop with numbering any footnotes merely because I reached around thirty and it was getting a bit ridiculous. I'm just going to list all that wasn't mentioned in the movies (may PJ burn in the lowest circle of hell) at the bottom like I do in my Canon Characters Watch the Fellowship of the Ring. I'm using the books for all references so this is canon. No complaints from the fangirls. Constructive criticism I welcome, mindless flaming is idiotic and immature. Please tell me what I do wrong (cue for all the nitpickers out there) and why you don't like my story. Don't just say that I should 'go to hell and dye' (Woohoo for OFUM!).

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The Battle Against Mary Sue

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All was quiet in Eä on this day. Manwë and Varda were watching over Arda from Taniquetil, Námo Mandos was taking in the blessed silence of his Halls as even Fëanáro and Nolofinwë had stopped fighting for once. Legolas Thranduilion was recovering from his latest encounter with **_It_** under the beautiful boughs of the Gardens of Lórien. All in the paradise of Valinor were resting happily in wonderful silence that had chanced upon the world. Even in Arda, there were no problems as none, whether they be good or evil, wished to offset the delicate balance that had created this sudden peace. **_It_** seemed to have left at last.

But, alas, no good thing lasts forever and the blessed break and return to normality was no exception to this rule. The relished return to canon would not last much longer.

Suddenly, a rumbling in the land broke the peace of Valinor. The Sea crashed of its own accord and not even Ulmo could calm it. The earth was rippling and Aulë was helpless to stop it. The winds were uprooting plants but not even a command by their master, Manwë could stop them. The peace of Mandos was broken by a furious howling wind that swept the elven fëar to the vaulted ceilings. The tapestries of Vairë blew about as flags caught in a high breeze. 

And then, everything stopped. Arien and Tilion froze in the heavens; Vingelot was stopped in its former path of following Tilion above the horizon. Not a breeze blew, not a wave rippled across the Sea, not a single speck of dust moved from its place. Even the living creatures of Yavanna had frozen in place. The Ainur, the Quendi, the Atani, the Naugrim, and all other beings in Arda were unmoving. Eä seemed to be holding its breath.

And then, in a blur of motion, everything changed. The remaining members of the Fellowship were sent flying across the Sundering Seas and were returned to the land of their birth. Those who had died were sent back from beyond the rims of the world, any who had taken some small part in the War of the Ring with them. Time reversed itself with a sickening lurch and then Arda changed. Some distances were made longer, some shorter. Where desolate wastelands had stood were now lush forests. **_It_** was almost here. **_It_** was now in the process of changing Arda to suit **_Its_** needs and wants, mutating the beautiful world into a place ruled by hormones and **_Its_** desire and lust.

And, after this was all done, the sky ripped open and in fell a girl. She landed with a small 'oumph' and then stood, completely unharmed from a fall that would have killed an Ainu. She was beautiful, stunning, and gorgeous. She had long, shimmering onyx hair with pale, creamy, flawless skin and perfect features. But the most eye-catching features about this maiden were her eyes. She had shining violet-azure eyes with flecks of gold and silver in them. **_It_** had arrived. The world unfroze.

In the forests surrounding Rivendell, Legolas moaned, "Not again! Why can't they ever let me stay in Valinor, alone, and in peace?" He glanced at his reflection in a small mere and groaned, "And why do they always give me blonde hair? I have _brown_ hair!" Then, he fled from the area. Perhaps he could get away when **_It_** wasn't looking. He ran blindly away from **_It_**, oblivious to where he was headed. He only wanted to get away.

With a sudden lurch in the area, he found himself in Lothlórien, where Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel once more resided. He glanced around the Golden Wood quickly before hurrying to Caras Galadron. The inconsistencies that always filled Arda whenever **_It_** came around helped him reached the beautiful city within minutes, although, normally, the journey would have taken a day. The March-warden greeted him with a melancholy smile. He too longed for the peace of Valinor unbroken but **_It_** seemed to like him as well. **_It_**, also, seemed to think that Haldir of Lórien had gone to fight for the Men of Rohan in the Battle for the Hornburg and had died in Aragorn's arms, when in fact; he had been defending Lórien from the threat of Dol Guldur.

Something was strangely different about Lórien though. This was no surprise as many Quendi who had not lived in Arda in the Third Age at all were suddenly dragged over in **_Its_** fight for control and lack of detail. Just last week, Lórien had played host to Arafinwë Finarfin, High King of the Noldor in Aman and Eärwen of Alqualondë. Lady Galadriel, however, had been most pleased with this inconsistency, as the ancient King and his Queen were her beloved parents whom she had left without a goodbye in her hurry to get to Arda for revenge. This time however, it all seemed to be incredibly off.

As Legolas headed to the largest of the flets, he passed Námo and Irmo, who were speaking in an unknown language, that was most likely Valarin. Nearby were the three Finweons who were, unsurprisingly, arguing. Maitimo, Findékano, and Findarato all stood around rolling their eyes at their fathers. He could see other familiar faces around too. Melian was enjoying her brief reunion with her dead Elven husband. Most of the dead elves were simply enjoying being alive. More than one visitor was here; more than two even. No, the Elven prince realized, **_It _**hadn't merely taken a few people from the Undying Lands; **_It_** had emptied Valinor. Every single being in the Undying Lands had been propelled into the Golden Woods. This was bad.

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**Footnotes  
**Manwë and Varda are the rulers of Arda. Manwë has power over the winds and breath of Arda. Varda is the Tintallë, the star kindler. When they stand together, Manwë can see all that happens in Arda and Varda can hear even the tiniest of voices. They live together in Taniquetil upon Oiolossë. They are numbered among the Aratar (The Exalted Ones AKA the really powerful people).  
Curufinwë Fëanáro, Nolofinwë Fingolfin, and Arafinwë Finarfin are the three sons of Finwë. Fëanáro went crazy, led the Noldor to Arda, started the Kinslayings, and was killed by some Balrogs. Fingolfin followed his half brother to Arda, became the High King of the Noldor in Arda, challenged Morgoth to a fight after Dagor Bragollach, cut off Morgoth's foot, and died. Finarfin was smart, didn't follow his half brother to Arda, stayed in Aman, got pardon from the Valar, and became High King of the Noldor in Aman.  
The Noldor were the Deep Elves. They are craftsmen and have a love of knowledge and language. They followed Fëanáro and rebelled against the Valar after Morgoth killed Finwë.  
Yes, Thranduilion. Legolas Greenleaf lived in the First Age in Gondolin and was deaf.  
Námo Mandos and Irmo Lórien are the Fëanturi, the Masters of Spirits. They are brothers. They live in the Halls of Mandos and the Gardens of Lórien respectively (Mandos and Lórien are not their real names but the names of their dwellings and because of this they are often called so. They are Valar and Námo is numbered among the Aratar.  
Ulmo and Aulë are two Valar. Ulmo rules the waters and Aulë rules the earth. Aulë created the Dwarves. They are both number among the Aratar.  
Vairë is Námo's wife. She weaves tapestries of every event in Eä and the line the Halls of Mandos, which are ever growing larger.  
Fëar are spirits.  
Arien and Tilion are the Maiar that guide the Sun and Moon across the sky. Arien bears the last fruit of Laurelin (golden tree) and is a spirit of fire. You can't look directly at her. Tilion bears the last flower of Telperion (silver tree) and is ever wayward in his path. Tolkien implied that he loved Arien but I'm not entirely sure.  
Vingelot is the ship of Eärendil. Eärendil travels across the heavens with a Silmaril (pretty, pretty jewel) on his brow.  
Yavanna is Aulë's wife. She loves all living creatures and plants. She loves trees more than anything. Her singing brought about the Two Trees of Valinor. She created the Ents. She's one of the Aratar.  
The Quendi are the Elves, the Atani are Men, and the Naugrim are the Dwarves.  
When Men and Hobbits (?) die, they travel beyond the rims of the world to whatever paradise is prepared for them by Eru. I'm assuming that they go to the Timeless Halls for the sake of my story.  
Yes indeedy, Legolas has brown hair. Jackson was wrong. Tolkien stated specifically that only the Vanyar had golden blonde hair. The Vanyar are all in Valinor. The only exceptions to this are Glorfindel, whom was Noldorin although he probably has some Vanyarin blood in him, those of the line of Finarfin, whom had a Vanyarin mother, Idril Celebrindal whose great grandmother and possibly her grandmother and mother were Vanyarin, and Thranduil, who could have a small amount of Vanyarin blood in him because the only named ancestor of his is his father, Oropher. Legolas did NOT have blonde hair.  
Dol Guldur is the fortress of Sauron in the southern part of Mirkwood. An attack was launched on Mirkwood, Erebor (Lonely Mountain), Esgaroth, Dale, and Lothlórien from this place so therefore, it is unlikely that any elf from Lórien would have aided the Rohirrim when their own home was under attack.  
Eärwen of Alqualondë is Finarfin's wife. She is Telerin and is the daughter of Olwë. Her children were Finrod (Findarato), Orodreth, Angrod (Angarato), Aegnor (Aikanáro), and Galadriel (Artanis Nerwen Altáriel) I imagine she was rather furious with her husband after he went and aided in the Kinslaying at Alqualondë.  
Valarin is the language of the Valar. It is harsh, powerful, and scary. Few elves know it and they tend to stop their ears and flee when it is spoken.  
Maitimo is Maedhros. He is the eldest son of Fëanor. He was captured by Morgoth and hung from the side of a mountain by his right wrist. His cousin, Findékano, rescued him. He only has one hand because Findékano had to cut the right one off to free him. He stole a Silmaril from Eönwë (Manwë's herald) and threw himself into a fiery pit when it burned him.  
Findékano is Fingon. He's the eldest son of Fingolfin and was High King of the Noldor for a time. Gil Galad might be his son. He rescued his cousin, Maedhros, from Thangorodrim (where Angband was located) and was thereafter called the Valiant.  
Findarato is Finrod and the eldest son of Finarfin. He was the lord of Tol Sirion and Nargothrond. He was a friend to dwarves who called him Felagund (cave-hewer) and Men who called him Nom (wise in their language). He was really wise and loyal. He swore an oath to Barahir (Beren's father) after Barahir saved his life. He sacrificed himself for Beren and was eaten by the werewolves of Tol-en-Gaurhoth (Tol Sirion under Sauron's rule).  
Melian is a Maia. She fell in love with an elf, Elwë Singollo and they became the King and Queen of Doriath. She is Lúthien's mother.  
**_Read_the Silmarillion and Lord of the Rings for more info.**


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